Playing Hooky In Highlands by Bradley A. Evans

Thursday, July 20, 2023. Highlands, NC

5:30am – I’m embarrassed to say I hit the snooze button thirteen times.  Imagine that — thirteen times in a row. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve hit the snooze button in all my life. I’m an early bird, but damned if Nina Simone didn’t try her best.

Waking up to “Sinnerman” adds a Thomas Crown Affair element to the morning. Who knows…maybe I’ll go gliding, or sailing…maybe I’ll hire a ton of lookalikes and stage a stylish robbery. Now that I think about it, there’s a Monet at The High Museum that I’ve had my eye on since I was a teenager. I’ve got this figured out: I’ll round up a gang of country club drunks. No one would think twice about a few dozen guys walking in wearing stand up shorts, tucked in polos, and bit loafers.  For all they know, the KA’s at Georgia Tech might be taking a field trip. Besides, suits and bowler hats are too conspicuous in Atlanta. We’d stagger around from floor to floor, evading Atlanta’s finest, with banker bags instead of briefcases. It would be the heist of the century! Every news outlet in the country would be talking about us. Unfortunately, my guess is we’d idiotically end up in the men’s grill at Ansley. A trail of cigar butts and airplane bottles of Tito’s would lead the cops straight to us. I digress.

7:30am – Shower, Shave, and a splash of Clubman. The smell of this aftershave is unique in that it brings back so many memories. Just about every club in America has it in their locker room, from San Francisco to Chicago, Boston to New York, and down to Palm Beach. Same goes with Vitalis. My father and grandfather have been Vitalis men
their entire lives, whereas Uncle Ron is a Brylcreem man. These products are simple and have stood the test of time. I respect that, but I use them because they work.

7:48am – Put on jeans, polo, quarter zip, wool socks and Bean Boot Mocs. It may have been 96 degrees in Atlanta, but it was mid 60s in Highlands.

8:16am – Left Atlanta, turned on “Melting Pot” by Booker T. & The M.G.’s (perfect way to start a road trip).

9:13am – Picked up a coffee at Waffle House, lit a breakfast cigar.

10:12am – Drove past Goats on the Roof off Highway 441, made a mental note to visit on the way home.

10:15am – Crossed the Georgia/North Carolina border.

10:42am – Arrived in Highlands, swung by Mountain Fresh Grocery for a Belgian waffle and coffee.

11:20am – Picked up a jar of strawberry preserves for Dad at Appalachian Harvest on Main Street. When I realized I didn’t have cash, the lady at the register said, “You can take it with you, we’ll see you later today.” Gotta love a town like that. In addition to being charming, welcoming, and engulfed in natural beauty, the entire town smells good…intoxicatingly good…mountain laurel, lilac, and magnolias inextricably mixed up.

11:38am – Walked into First Presbyterian Church on a whim. A sign hung outside the front door that said, Open for Prayer & Meditation.  A mist of equanimity fell upon me as I entered.  Ms. Jenkins, the organist and one of the nicest ladies I’ve ever met, introduced herself and we talked for over an hour. It always amazes me who and when God puts certain people in your life.

12:45pm – Went to the Old Edwards Inn and read The Birds of America by John James Audubon in the wood paneled library. “Queen of the Slipstream” by Van Morrison was trickling through the ceiling speakers as the rain began to fall; one of the most beautifully written ballads of the twentieth century.

1:21pm – Went antiquing…I can’t help myself. I grew up with parents who dragged my brother and I into every antique shop they came across. Years later it wore off on me (and now my daughter too). I bought a necklace for Annabelle, perused through musty smelling books, and jawed with the owners about the sad state of affairs with the
antique scene in Atlanta.

1:46pm – Bought the following used books at The Bookworm:
 Hooking Up by Tom Wolfe (two original copies)
 Empire by Gore Vidal
 Eugene O’Neill, A Life in Four Acts by Robert M. Dowling. Not to get off topic again, but Mr. O’Neil’s Sea Island home, Casa Genotta, is a masterpiece and my favorite home on the island.

2:23pm – Visited Bridal Veil Falls.

2:36pm – Visited Dy Falls.

3:18pm – Swung through Cashiers for the hell of it, but mainly for the views to-and-fro.

4:32pm – Visited Goats on the Roof. I don’t know how to explain this place, but I’ll try: picture the architecture of Pee-wee’s Playhouse, coupled with the imagination of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, and pieced together with an ingenuity that rarely finds its way outside of the Southeastern United States. It’s fascinating, confusing, amusing…hell, it’s damn near every adjective you can think of. But at the end of the day, it’s a bunch of live goats who live on the roof of a sweet shop. If you’re within fifty miles of it, you have to check it out (especially if you have kids).

5:20pm – Had a call with Christiana Roussel, a fellow writer from Birmingham.

5:35pm – Massive storm hit north Georgia, knocking down power lines, unearthing trees, turning the sky eerily dark.

6:39pm – Lit cigar #2 while stuck in traffic.

8:04pm – Lit cigar #3 while still stuck in traffic.

8:53pm – Offered cigars to firemen who were sawing trees. It doesn’t matter how old I get; firetrucks will always be fascinating.

9:09pm – Finally got home.

Contributor Bradley Evans is a good buddy, a UGA grad, and an idea guy. We’re lucky to have his thoughts here at RCS…more to come.