For thirty-three years, I have worn the same shorts.
Patagonia’s 5″ Light Weight Stand Up Shorts
Bought my first pair in Boston in 1987
Bought my last pair in Charleston in 2018
They last forever
Worn them until they fall to shreds
I’ve had them all
And, now, Yvon Chouinard and crew seem to have discontinued them
Why, Yvon, why?
There is an entire generation that grew up wearing your LWSUS’s
We wore them
We wear them
We will wear them
But, now, we will have to rely on our reserves
Didn’t we suffer enough in 2020?
This cruel blow to our wardrobes
This cruel blow by the company that supposedly cares about its customers, their environmental activism, their stewardship of nature
I really need Patagonia to re-issue the 5″ LWSUS
Because I need them
What else am I supposed to wear?
I have worn those shorts to hike high hills
I have worn those shorts to work in the yard
I have worn those shorts to all manner of summertime events
I have worn those shorts to baseball games
I have worn those shorts to thirty-two 4ths of July
I have worn those shorts to concerts in Massachusetts, New York, South Carolina, North Carolina
I have worn those shorts to see The Dead in the most cliched wearing of those thirty-three years
I have worn those shorts from the Keys to Kenya, from Maine to Miami, from Lamu to Los Angeles, from Paris to Pawleys
Talk about a tribal marker
Whenever I see another pair of LWSUS on a fellow traveler, I know that person is one of my people
Why, Yvon, why?
Can it be that there is no more demand?
Can it be that all the organic cotton crops failed?
Can it be that those of us of a certain age are the only ones so sartorially inclined to wear LWSUS?
Does change.org work?
If it does, I beg of you to sign the petition I plan to send to my friends in Ventura, California
Because I sure as hell ain’t wearing any shorts called Chubbies