Meeting that special someone is a momentous occasion. Not only do you get the butterflies, a partner, and eventually a roommate, but your life changes – mostly for the better. All of a sudden, it’s ‘us’, not ‘me’. While 99% of that is absolutely outstanding, and something that we all strive for, there is one area where you, as the man, severely loses: movies. Since it is ‘us’ now, that means she controls what’s on TV. You know it. Since your meet-cute, you’ve watched more ‘Real Housewives’, HGTV, and ‘The Bachelor’ episodes that you would ever admit. Suck it up.
Well, I’m here to help. There are those times when she is gone…whether it be for a bachelorette party, a work trip, or just for a long afternoon of shopping, there is time for you to stockpile some serious remote time. You know all those movies that she hates, and you (should) LOVE? The movies that she wouldn’t sit through, and would give you that look…the ‘you are an idiot’ look if you were to ever pollute the TV with this *trash*. Well, when she’s away, it’s time to hit play.
I’ve come up with the top 10 movies for when she’s out of town. These are some of the greatest cinematic movies that guys love, and she won’t have any part of. This is an 80’s and 90’s-heavy list, but that’s when some of the best movies were made. Next time she’s heading for the state line, crank up a few of these gems and get your groove back.
(In no particular order):
48 HRS. (1982): One of Eddie Murphy’s best, and must underrated characters: Reggie Hammond. From IMDB: ‘A hard-nosed cop reluctantly teams up with a wise-cracking criminal temporarily paroled to him, in order to track down a killer.’. Yeah, there’s that, but it doesn’t account for the excellent one liners, and Nick Nolte as a complete hardass that probably drinks a case and a half of beer a day at the beach.
Rocky IV (1985): This was the absolute peak of the Rocky franchise. Sylvester Stallone is an animal, and James Brown did the theme song. I dare you to get more American that that. From IMDB: ‘After iron man Drago, a highly intimidating 6-foot-5, 261-pound Soviet athlete, kills Apollo Creed in an exhibition match, Rocky comes to the heart of Russia for 15 pile-driving boxing rounds of revenge.’ I can’t image how much damage this did to US and Soviet negotiations, but I assure you Reagan was high-fiving Nancy when Rocky started landing hooks.
Beverly Hills Cop (1984): By now you’ll notice that there are a couple Eddie Murphy movies, as well as Stallone. Whatever, they are man-time solid gold. Let Eddie Murphy be a loud mouth cop from Detroit, put him in Beverly Hills, aaaaand GO. From IMDB: ‘A freewheeling Detroit cop pursuing a murder investigation finds himself dealing with the very different culture of Beverly Hills.’ One of the best, and underused lines in all of cinema: ‘Can you put this in a good spot? ‘Cause all of this shit happened the last time I parked here.’
Rambo First Blood Part II (1985): Stallone. He’s John Rambo, and decides it’s a good idea to get released from jail to go back to Vietnam to whip some serious ass. Apparently some POWs are in need of rescuing. From IMDB: ‘John Rambo is released from prison by the government for a top-secret covert mission to the last place on Earth he’d want to return – the jungles of Vietnam.’ Rambo is a seriously pissed off dude with a bow and exploding arrows. You’ll do conference call-esque push-ups during the entire movie.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986): I can’t image the amount of drugs that were done while writing the screenplay for this movie. What came out of that heroin/crack/week/coke den is one of the best movies of the 80’s. Kurt Russell shines. No wonder Goldie stuck around for so long without a ring. He’s a trucker that got the best of an old Chinese wizard. Yeah – you heard me right. From IMDB: ‘An All-American trucker gets dragged into a centuries-old mystical battle in Chinatown.’ Not to mention Kim Cattrall’s amazing pre-Sex in the City acting. Bring it on.
Predator (1987): Ahh-nuld has to outsmart an alien that is equipped with a ton of go-go gadget weapons deep in the jungle. There is NO way you should let your wife watch the scene where Schwarzenegger and Carl Weathers see each other and hold the high five…there is so much testosterone; just watching it will end up impregnating her. From IMDB: ‘A team of commandos on a mission in a Central American jungle find themselves hunted by an extra-terrestrial warrior.’ ‘Predator teeth’ is a good reference for those with a messed up grill.
Die Hard (1988): When men were men. No doubt you’ve seen this 100 times, but on eggshells as your wife stared with contempt at your choice in movies. Holly’s coked-up co-worker Ellis is worth the watch: “Hans, Bubby…I’m your white knight”. From IMDB: ‘John McClane, officer of the NYPD, tries to save his wife Holly Gennaro and several others that were taken hostage by German terrorist Hans Gruber during a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles.’ Welcome to the party, pal.
Point Break (1991): Keanu Reeves could have retired after this movie and he would be deserving of a star on Hollywood Blvd. Point Break contains some of the greatest lines that have ever been spoken. “The little hand says it’s time to rock and roll”. From IMDB: ‘An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of surfers who may be bank robbers’, but it’s so much more. There’s a good chance that my future dogs will be named Johnny, Bodhi, and/or Warchild.
Days of Thunder (1990): Hot off the heels of Top Gun (1986) and Cocktail (1988), Tom Cruise dominated as Cole Trickle, a race car driver that ultimately picks up Mellow Yellow as a sponsor. From IMDB: ‘A young hot-shot stock car driver gets his chance to compete at the top level.’ Also stars Nichole Kidman, The Judge, and Cousin Eddie. He ended up marrying the foot taller Kidman before he visited ‘Dawson’s Creek’. Just like the poster says, you can’t outrun the thunder.
Lethal Weapon (1987): Danny Glover as the straight-laced cop, and pre-Braveheart Mel Gibson as a whack-job maniac. From IMDB: ‘A veteran cop, Murtaugh, is partnered with a young suicidal cop, Riggs. Both having one thing in common; hating working in pairs. Now they must learn to work with one another to stop a gang of drug smugglers.’ This movie doesn’t get a lot of play recently, but it’s actually a really good movie. Your wife would hate it, but she’s not around…so press play.
I’m sure all of you have ideas of your own. Let’s hear it…what movies fall into this category for you?
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